To be honest, I spent the majority of today stressed out. Actually, I have been having a micro panic attack every time I look at my calendar. I seem to be gradually sliding back down the slippery slope of over-commitment.
At least that’s how it seems to me. Sitting on the couch this afternoon, I confessed to Nick how I was feeling. I told him that I felt guilty for all the evening meetings and events I’m committed to going to. I bemoaned the fact that every time I think we have a free weekend, some event comes up. Then, I asked him if he felt that I spend enough time with him and he said yes.
What Nick pointed out in our discussion was this: that our life now is not like our life in college. We don’t finish class at two o’clock in the afternoon and have the rest of the day to run, study and eat together.
I’ve been reflecting on this. Perhaps my expectations are based on our relationship as unmarried students. The reality of now is that we are married adults, with a full-time job (and then one) and professional school. We both have commitments to outside organizations. There are only so many hours in a day.
My goal, then, if I can’t add more time in a day, week, or month, is to be fully present for the time we do spend together.